What the Hell Does a "UN Special Rapporteur" Actually Do?

Seems like a bullshit job to me

I must admit, I had never heard the term “rapporteur” until folks at the UN with that title under their names began flapping their traps about the Israel-Hamas War in late 2023. I didn’t know what the term meant. Was it similar to a “reporter,” like a journalist? Or maybe a note-taker who documents the minutes at UN meetings? I didn’t know, so I consulted Mr. Google:

“A UN Special Rapporteur is an independent expert appointed by the United Nations Human Rights Council to investigate and report on a specific human rights issue or situation in a particular country, focusing on monitoring violations and advocating for improvements in that area, often on topics like torture, freedom of expression, or the rights of indigenous peoples; they are essentially a watchdog for human rights concerns within the UN system.”

Sounds like a real mouthful. Isn’t it well-known that the longer the job description, the more useless the actual job being described?

Still, I wanted to keep an open mind about it. After all, there are numerous human rights abuses occurring all over the world, affecting millions of people. You can imagine my delight when I came across the social media page of Francesca Albanese, UN Special Rapporteur for “Occupied Palestine,” aka the most talked about (made-up) region on the planet:

What exactly qualifies International Lawyer Albanese to speak on “occupied Palestine”? She is Italian, to the best of my knowledge has never actually lived in ‘Palestine,’ and does not speak any of the regional languages. Furthermore, if her focus is “occupied Palestine,” why does she complain about Gaza so much? Before October 7th, 2023, Gaza hadn’t been occupied for 18 years. What exactly did Albanese and her colleagues at the UN do during that time to see that Gaza prospered under the leadership of Hamas, who controlled the territory for that entire period?

Other than prop up UNRWA as a crucial part of Hamas’s terrorist infrastructure, Francesca has no answers to any of the above questions, because her appointment to this position did not require any real knowledge or expertise. It’s an “I hate Israel” position masquerading as an “I care about Palestinians” one. This fact becomes clear when we see her spending her time on useful activities like blaming the Zionists for the fires in Los Angeles, because those two crises are clearly intertwined:

But Francesca isn’t the UN’s only representative with the rapporteur title. Here’s another highly qualified individual, the “Special Rapporteur on the Right to Health”:

Screenshot from Hillel Neuer’s X

Apparently Tlaleng didn’t appreciate it when

Hillel Neuer

called for the UN to discipline her after she tweeted “fuck off” to the Israeli PM on her professional social media account, and decided to express her displeasure with the eloquent language above. We can all see clearly that Tlaleng is working tirelessly to bring healthcare to all oppressed people throughout the world with this behavior.

I was curious about how much a special rapporteur gets paid for such a role. Here’s Francesca’s public statement on that as she gets investigated by UN Watch for financial mismanagement:

You hear that? Our human rights hero Francesca is “subsisting” for “dignity, justice, and peace for all in Palestine.” It must get exhausting. She sounds very deprived. So deprived, in fact, that her compensation also involved an all-expenses paid trip to Australia, since Australia and “occupied Palestine” share so much in common geographically:

Francesca, if you’re reading this: I realize how difficult it must be getting called out by the Jews for your bad behavior. I hope you get the help that you need to deal with that trauma.

Based on my thorough research, here are the main job responsibilities of a UN special rapporteur:

• Post hateful and antisemitic content on social media

• Get praised by the wider global community for doing basically nothing

• Misuse UN funds for global travel unrelated to their assigned region

• Brag about saving the world at parties hosted by other self-righteous clowns

I wish one day to be privileged enough to qualify for such a position. How about you?