War is All About Manhood...

...if you know what I mean

[TRIGGER WARNING]: the following article contains strictly cisgender pronoun use and cis-normative descriptions of gender / anatomy.

A screenshot from a video released by the Houthis

The people who wage wars are always men, 100% of the time. The reason is because wars really have to do with one thing, and one thing only: proving one’s penis size to the world. Here are 2 case studies just from the past week to support this point:

Houthis shot a giant missile wrapped in a kaffiyeh

I must admit, I was impressed by the highly artistic design. My favorite part was how they painted the word ‘hypersonic’ on the side of the missile along with the image of Israel being replaced entirely by the colors of Palestine.

The Houthis’ intention was to use the missile in pursuit of their “death to Israel” pledge. But there were a few problems with their “plan”: 1) Israel’s iron dome system intercepted the missile before it killed anyone; and 2) the iron dome’s interception of the missile proved that the missile was not hypersonic. Falsely claiming that your missile is hypersonic is basically the military equivalent of lying about your dick size.

Here’s a clip from the video that the Houthis released after they shot off the missile to their Jewish friends. I wonder what Freud would have to say about it:

Israel did involuntary circumcisions on thousands of Hezbollah militants 

I must admit that when I first saw this headline, I thought it was from The Onion:

My first reaction to this was, who the hell uses pagers anymore and why was Hezbollah using 90s-era technology? Since we all know that men tend to carry pagers in their pockets, we can safely assume that the Mossad in effect rendered some Hezbollah terrorists dick-less!

Let’s face it: the memes on this one are never going to end, and they speak to this incident better than any of my words could: 

No doubt that having so many balls blown off all at once put a tremendous burden on the Lebanese healthcare system, and I truly feel for the ER doctors on call at area Beirut hospitals that day who probably saw more disfigured dicks than anyone should ever see. On the other hand, the Mossad just created a great business opportunity for some penis implant company to capture the Hezbollah market.

It is my belief that if the world were run by women only, there would literally be zero war. But then you would have to deal with issues like petty competitiveness and the older women in power constantly terrorizing the younger ones. So it’s not entirely clear that world would actually be an improvement to the one currently run by men. 

I am convinced of one thing: if there is a God, He is definitely a man. No woman would ever fuck with our Earth and the creatures inhabiting it to this degree.