Meghan and Harry Embody the Worst Millennial Stereotypes

It's time for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex to fade into obsolescence

Since I have spent time in previous articles on this little blog of mine dragging Boomers (much to the chagrin of many of my Boomer or Boomer-minded readers), I figure it only fair that I balance it out a bit by bashing a pair of my fellow millennials for meeting negative generational stereotypes. You’re welcome.

Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex for whatever reason, refused to drop their royal titles after making a very public exit from the royal family to seek out their privacy in Montecito, California. A native Californian and an actress by trade, Meghan married Harry, who possesses no discernable skills other than being related to Princess Diana. Since I treasure the Beanie Baby in her name (which still has its tag protector), his mother will always hold a special place in my heart no matter what her lame son does.

Since they married, Harry has served as Meghan’s sidekick (“partner” is too strong a word). Given their expensive lifestyle in Montecito, the couple needed to figure out a way to generate a large cash flow. The only way they have appeared to accomplish that is to market themselves as experts on their favorite subject: themselves.

First, they secured a multimillion-dollar podcast deal with Spotify, since dissolved for low ratings. Here’s the CEO of Spotify to say how that turned out:

Then in their clear quest for more privacy from their haters, they signed an $100 million Netflix deal to produce more shows about—wait for it—themselves. This deal occurred shortly after Harry published a book whining about how hard his life was under the thumb of the British royal family. Every chapter involving Meghan features a scene with her "crying on the floor” about something—which led me to only two questions: 1) how old was she during these episodes (I assume an adult)?; and 2) did they own any furniture at this modest cottage that they lived in, so that a grown ass woman wouldn’t actually have to be on the floor crying? Harry has not responded to my request for clarification on these key details.

Their inaugural Netflix series was very originally titled “Harry and Meghan.” It featured Meghan lying about how she didn’t know that Harry’s grandmother was actually the Queen of England until she met her, and Harry bitching about how his private security got pulled after he quit his terrible job as a royal. As a result, they were faced with the horror of having to shelter in place during the pandemic at Tyler Perry’s mansion. I cannot imagine facing such a difficult situation.

The subsequent shows that Netflix released under this contract are ones you likely never heard of—because they flopped. “Polo,” for example, features neither member of the duo. Apparently, the plan was to film some scenes of Harry playing polo interspaced with him talking about the sport, however Harry declined because he and his wife apparently can’t afford their own polo pony. Instead, he had his polo player friend Nacho and his wife star in it. You can see how thrilled they look to be featured in this film as a favor to their “friend”:

Now, we are blessed with the newest (and thankfully last) show under the Netflix contract, “With Love, Meghan.” Fancying herself the “millennial Martha Stewart,” our girl Meghan attempts to delight her viewers by doing the following domestic tasks:

• Putting sprigs of mint on top of ice cream in a kitchen she rented.

• Cutting up vegetables to put on a plate in a backyard she rented.

• Pulling honey out of a beehive that clearly does not belong to her.

• Informing Mindy Kaling that her last name is Sussex and not Markle.

@dailymailroyals'I'm Sussex now!' Meghan Markle corrects Mindy Kaling over her name in new show During a conversation with Mindy Kaling, 45, about childhood memories, Meghan Markle was referred to by her former surname. Kaling joked, "People wouldn't believe that Meghan Markle ate at Jack in the Box." Meghan promptly corrected her, saying, "You know I'm Sussex now," before explaining the importance of sharing a surname with her family. #royalfamily #meghanmarkle #royalnews #harryandmeghan #office

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The premiere of this new series just happened to coincide with the launch of Meghan’s new lifestyle brand, “As Ever.” I have no idea what she’s selling, and I don’t care to. I do, however, know one category of products she won’t be selling. As it turns out, “As Ever” is also the name of a clothing brand based in Brooklyn, so she’s now in receipt of a cease and desist barring her from selling any clothing under the brand. You would think for someone so obsessed with PR, she would have marketing staff who know how to research the use of a simple brand name before launching it.

The fact that she would compare herself to Martha is laughable. I grew up watching Martha on TV because my mom idolized her (and subscribed to Martha Stewart Living). That lady is a workhorse, and everything she does is absolutely perfect. All of her creations are her own, and she built her empire from scratch. She is, in fact, the first self-made woman billionaire in U.S. history. There is no way in hell Meghan could ever compare herself to such greatness, and it’s offensive that she’s trying to.

By keeping the comments section open in the trailer for the new show, Netflix made the best business decision it possibly could have. Here’s a small sample:

So basically, Netflix paid out $100 million to get an entertaining comments section on YouTube. That is only obvious accomplishment of that partnership.

Here is the Meghan/Harry millennial stereotype roundup:

• Major sense of entitlement they haven’t earned.

• Strong desire to be famous and wealthy for doing very little.

• Expecting a major payout for lackluster work.

I predict that Meghan will most likely divorce Harry and send him back to live in England with the family he chose to estrange himself from. Or maybe they will stay together as long as they can maintain the status quo of Meghan dictating to Harry what polo ponies he’s not allowed to buy. One day, they will fade into obsolescence where they belong. Until that day comes, we must all suffer through their brand of millennial bullshit so they can fundraise the carrying costs for their Montecito mansion.