EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Mossad Agent Behind Hezbollah Exploding Pager Operation Tells All!

Tali Phon has returned from Lebanon to tell her story

I had the privilege of sitting down to interview a dear Israeli friend of mine: Tali Phon, the Mossad agent behind Israel’s ball-busting operation in Lebanon. We were dying to know how she managed the targeted mass blow-up of Hezbollah communication devices. In this exclusive interview, Tali tells us everything we need to know about life in the Mossad, her background as a former kibbutznik, and how she remotely performed mass involuntary circumcisions on thousands of terrorists. We so appreciate her taking time out of her busy spying schedule to speak with us!

Sample products available at Tali Phon’s shell company Allahu Akbar Pager Sales

Tell us about your background and how you ended up in the Mossad.

My name is Tali Phon, and I am thrilled to tell you the details of the operation I am most proud of in my 15-year career in the Mossad. I was born at Kibbutz Po Sheker, where my grandmother - one of the kibbutz’s founding members in 1947 - pioneered innovative hummus-harvesting techniques for the surrounding community. After I completed my army service, I obtained my degree in chemistry from Technion. I then returned to Kibbutz Po Sheker and was responsible for supervising cow milk production until I decided to join the Mossad 15 years ago. When I am not spying on terrorists, I enjoy paragliding, working out, and creating explosive chemical compounds. 

I’m going to ask what we all what to know: how did you pull off this ballsy operation?

The hardest part was getting Hezbollah as a client for my shell company ‘Allahu Akbar Pager Sales’ that I founded at an undisclosed location in Budapest, Hungary. First I enlisted my former army buddy

Hanan Kevich

, a software developer from Rishon LeZion, to create a website for the company. When Hanan learned that we would be using the website for our secret mission to booby trap Hezbollah, he gladly did it for free.

Next, I had to figure out how to convince Nasrallah’s people that we were legit. So I began by infiltrating the synagogue of Rabbi Linda Goldstein, Chief Rabbi of Gaza. I went undercover in the Gaza tunnels as a Jewish Voice for Peace member in search of spiritual guidance. It turns out that in addition to being well-acquainted with Hamas’s top leaders, Rabbi Goldstein also had many contacts from Hezbollah whom she was happy to connect me with. After learning my cover background as a Jewish Voice for Peace activist from Brooklyn, the Hezbollah militants seemed impressed with my qualifications and immediately agreed to contract with my company for all of their terrorist communication needs. Really, I have Rabbi Goldstein to thank for that. 

I purchased the devices from Taiwan in bulk, injected them all with some PETN that I synthesized in my chemistry lab in Budapest, shipped them in boxes with a Brooklyn return address to Beirut, and the rest is history. 

Take us back to the day of the operation. How did you get so many devices to blow up at once?

The key was making sure that the terrorists had the devices on their bodies, but ideally in their pockets, at the time of the operation. So I did what any self-respecting woman Mossad agent would do: I sent a mass sext to all of the devices posing as Mia Khalifa. When the messages had a 90% read receipt rate, I waited a full 30 seconds before sending the signal that made all of the devices go KABOOM!

What was the most challenging part of the operation for you?

Having my identity exposed afterward. Ideally you want to remain anonymous as possible after blowing up thousands of terrorist dicks. But as soon as the news came out, various international media outlets began reporting that Tali Phon was the agent behind the operation. That was tough for me. Since then I’ve been getting a lot of hate mail calling me a Zio, whatever that means. 

What are your plans for the future?

Since my first shell company was so successful, I am considering starting others focused on Israel’s security. A few ideas I have in mind are Camel Hump, Inc. and Killer Dolphin Fins, Inc., which will provide live camels and dolphins equipped with hidden explosives to customers throughout the Middle East. Stay tuned!

Thanks for your time, Tali. We appreciate you!

As we say in Israel, toda raba v’Shabbat shalom!